Ahh, lawyers, bless their conniving little hearts…

Apparently I’m part of a class action suit against Visa and MasterCard, because my company uses Visa to process payments. The settlement totals $3.05 billion dollars– which is certainly a fair amount considering the amount of mental anguish and suffering I endured while processing these payments. Or something.

I’m sure the law firm is absolutely drooling over this settlement, since their fees are probably in the 30-40% neighborhood. That means well over a billion dollars when they finish this thing. This year’s office holiday party will be one to remember!

The best part of this whole tale, though, is the fact that I have a huge form to complete, all in order to receive my big fat cash payout of… hold your breath… zero. That’s right: despite the fact that I’m part of the “class” in the suit, apparently I didn’t meet the requirements to actually receive a payment. I guess I’ll file this form with all of those credit-card applications I get every day in the mail.