Month: September 2009

Autumn is such a fabulous time here in Colorado. The temperature is just perfect: a bit of snappy coolness in the morning, warming to the 60’s and 70’s in the sunny afternoon, and then cooling down enough at night that we can open windows and feel the cool breeze.

We went to Rocky Mountain National Park on Sunday and did a bit of hiking, just enjoying the gorgeous outdoors.

Business has picked up recently, to the point where I’m in the market for another employee. I’ve posted a job listing on Craigslist, and of course the results have been mixed. There were a couple of good candidates who replied to the ad, and about fifteen freelancers and recruiters who clearly didn’t read the big red type at the bottom of the ad that said I’m looking strictly for a full-time on-site employee, not a part-time off-site contractor.

This happens every time I place an ad like this, and I decided I wasn’t going to mince words with these clowns any more. So every time one of these idiots sends me their little canned spammy message bragging about their awesome services and amazing prices (for development teams from India, usually), I just reply with a canned message of my own that lays into them and leaves no doubt that I consider them rude and unprofessional.

But tonight I got a message from a guy that took it to a whole new level. This guy actually had none of the skills I listed in my job posting– including the ones in bold font that I explained were absolutely essential. I went down the list, amazed at how completely and totally unqualified he is for the position.

I want a PHP programmer, but he does ASP.
I need MySQL database work, but he’s an expert at SQL Server.
Our web servers run Apache, but he uses IIS.
I ask for Linux experience, but he’s a Windows guru.
I want a local person, but he’s in San Francisco.
I need an employee, but he’s a freelancer.

Reading through his multi-page resume was simply breathtaking. This guy is the anti-candidate: the polar opposite of what I want. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so dang annoying.

So our TV died tonight.  It’s a ten-year-old 61″ rear-projection behemoth that weighs something like 300 pounds.  It’s served us well, but I guess this is a sign that we need to upgrade to something modern.  The problem is I’ve been spoiled by a five-foot screen for all these years, so it’ll be hard to go back to anything smaller.  And plasma or LCD screens that big cost as much as a car.

Hmm. Plasma? LCD? Projector? What’s a guy to do?

A guy named Stephen von Worley was driving down the interstate and saw a McDonald’s on the horizon. He was struck by the thought: what place in the United States is farthest from a McDonald’s? It seems like when you go on a cross-country trip– which we do pretty often, whether it’s to family in Idaho and Missouri or vacations in the southwest– the golden arches are beckoning at every other exit along the highway.

Armed with a list of all 13,000 McDonald’s restaurants in the country, he plotted a map.

Of course the East is pretty much wall-to-wall McDonald’s, but it’s interesting to look out West and see the “hot spots” which are major cities (Salt Lake City, Phoenix, Denver, Kansas City, St. Louis, Minneapolis). You can even trace some of the major interstates in the wastelands of Utah, Nevada, and Oregon.

And the answer? The farthest you can ever be from a McDonald’s within the lower 48 states is somewhere in South Dakota, 145 miles (by road) from the nearest McNuggets.

Chancellor invited me to a Windows 7 House Party! Yay!

Apparently this is Microsoft’s latest marketing plan: give people free copies of Windows 7 and have them invite over a bunch of friends to… well, I guess to stand around the laptop pointing at the screen and shouting.

Windows 7 must truly be amazing, judging from the expressions on the enraptured faces of these people. Equally amazing is the cultural mix here. Which of the following people are really most likely to host a Windows 7 Launch Party?

A) An Asian woman.
B) A Hispanic guy.
C) A black woman.
D) Three pasty white guys, one of whom is wearing Geek Squad glasses and a checked shirt.

For some reason I was invited to two Launch Parties– both hosted by Chancellor– but this one is a little earlier in the evening.

I especially like how grandma is getting electrocuted by the keyboard or something. And let’s not forget about the heavy guy off on the side, wishing someone would invite him to something besides a freakin’ Windows 7 Launch Party.

To his credit, Chancellor came clean with a follow-up email:

Wise words from the Pointy-Haired Boss:

I read about a spiffy new search engine called Goby that lets you search for an activity in a place. In other words, you tell it what you want to do, where you want to do it, and (optionally) when. Then it’s supposed to return results and you can go enjoy yourself.

Naturally I asked it about ultimate in Boulder:

No results? Not only does Boulder have a large ultimate community, it’s a group that’s pretty tech-savvy: there are mailing lists, web sites, pickup games, and all sorts of related information about ultimate in Boulder. In other words, there’s a large “web footprint” for ultimate in Boulder. In fact, the Ultimate Players’ Association (UPA)– the official governing organization of ultimate worldwide– is headquartered in Boulder.

No results? Fail.

After many long years with Qwest– who never did me any favors and in fact has irritated me plenty of times– I finally decided to switch to Vonage phone service. With a “referral” from my friend Megan, we’ll get two months free. Then I’ll have all those nifty features like caller ID, forwarding, digital voicemail, etc. And maybe I’ll be as happy as this guy:

The only sad thing is I’ll actually have to stop using my ancient answering machine… the only answering machine I’ve ever owned, the one I used in college back in 1990, the one with the teeny cassette tape to record the messages. Eighteen years of loyal service. Long live the answering machine.

“Pop Goes the World” just came up on my playlist. Great song.

But the album cover… whoa…

Today is September 19, and as everyone knows, that means it’s Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Arrrrr!

A few selected jokes from Fark:

Shiver me timbers! Off to find me bonny lass!