Senator Stevens, after his hilariously awful description of “the internets” the other day, has apparently come out with some clarification for those who simply couldn’t follow the discussion about trucks and tubes:

They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the internet. And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It’s not a truck, or locomotive, or autogyro.

It’s a series of tubes.

If you don’t understand this think of a cannoli, the delicious Italian dessert that Silver Screen magazine says is the favorite dessert of popular ballad crooner Frankie Sinatra. If you fill those tubes with enormous amounts of cream cheese, like free movies, there is no room for the spumoni, which is like your messages. Then your spumoni has to get in the line and gets delayed. The result is a flavorless, bland cannoli, and millions of young bobbysoxers are crushed because their fan internets don’t get delivered to Frankie.

Now I think these people are arguing whether they should be able to dump all that cream cheese on the internet tubes. I hasten to remind my Senate colleagues of what happens when you have too much cheese in your diet: painful clogging. Our job is to provide the legislative bran to keep the internets regular.

Okay, maybe Senator Stevens didn’t actually say that. But he probably would have if given a chance for a filibuster.