Questions and selected answers from an elementary-school test:

What causes the tides in the oceans?
The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen)
The body is consisted into three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

What is the fibula?
A small lie.

What does “varicose” mean?

What does the word “benign” mean?
Benign is what you will be after you be eight.