As license agreements– particularly for software– become more and more onerous, it’s nice to see the occasional one that tells it like it is rather than burying it in twenty pages of legalese:

By accessing this Web site in any way, shape, or form, directly or indirectly, you (hereinafter, PEON) grant Neil W. Van Dyke and his duly authorized agents (hereinafter, collectively, NEIL) carte blanche, including but not limited to unrestricted use and abuse of PEON’s personal information, personal property, personal anatomy, and increasingly precarious emotional state.

This agreement may be be altered at any time by NEIL. Quietly changing a document somewhere on the Internet shall constitute notification. It is incumbent on PEON to locate these changes, seeing as how PEON grants automatic blanket consent to any such changes.

Should any part of this agreement be found illegal, the remaining parts shall remain in full force. Parts found merely unethical or tasteless may be doubled in magnitude, solely at the discretion of NEIL.