World’s greatest massage chairs

On Saturday we decided to visit a local furniture store to look for some banana chairs since ours are wearing out. Right inside the front door were three massage chairs that practically begged someone to sit in them. Unless, of course, that someone was a child. There were yellow signs on each chair that said ADULTS ONLY. So naturally Zack, Kyra, and Laralee plopped down.

Laralee really enjoyed it.


Kyra was in ecstasy. Or maybe dead.


Zack’s chair was the most advanced and included some sort of arm massage device:


His legs were also clamped in, and when he started pushing buttons the clamps closed on his limbs and started working the muscles. One wonders what might happen if there was a malfunction in the master computer– you could be trapped in this thing while it slowly crushed you. Our planet won’t be conquered by killer robots; our AI overlords will trick everyone into massage chairs and then knead them to death.

The best part? The control panels were almost certainly more advanced than the computers that ran the Space Shuttle. There were about 30 buttons (no kidding) and a full display showing different massage zones. Crazy. Laralee couldn’t figure it out but after pushing enough buttons she was able to get the chair to work her over.


Despite how amazing these chairs were, the cheap model was in the neighborhood of $1,900 so we decided we’d have to pass.