Year: 2005

Happy 60th birthday, Trinity.

If the radiance of a thousand suns
Were to burst at once into the sky,
That would be like the splendor of the Mighty One…
I am become Death,
The shatterer of Worlds.”

— From the Baghavad-Gita, and attributed to Robert Oppenheimer after he saw the Trinity explosion

Anyone who doubts that Hollywood has finally, completely, and utterly run out of ideas would do well to consider that Paramount Pictures has now acquired the film rights to the Smurfs. They are planning to make a computer-generated trilogy (yes, trilogy) to be released in 2008.

Oh. My. Word.

And I have no idea what “let’s Smurf!” means, but the mind boggles.

The sheer stupidity value of the story below is so high that I can’t even think of a good joke to go with it.

From the Florida Sun-Sentinel:

“An American Airlines flight returned to Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport shortly after taking off Monday because a threatening note was found on board, federal authorities said. Flight 605 departed from the airport for San Juan at 6:53 p.m. It turned back when a passenger discovered a napkin with a bomb threat written on it, FBI Spokeswoman Judy Orihuela said.

A passenger found the note when they flipped down their tray table, Orihuela said. The note said “bomb” repeatedly and had “meet the parents” written in parentheses.”

You’ve got to hand it to the TSA: they’re always looking for new and innovative ways to keep America’s skies safer. Sheesh.

I was talking to Dirk yesterday; he’d called from his cell phone while he was driving home in the pouring rain. We were talking about the usual nonsense and enjoying ourselves, when all of a sudden he screamed:

“I’m going to die! I’m going to die! I’m going to die!”

There were a few beeps, and then silence.

Thinking he was pulling a fast one on me, I was playing along. “Dirk? Are you dead?” After a moment he came back on and said quietly, “I was just in a big accident. I’ll call you back.”

Yikes. It turns out he’d hydroplaned on the wet road and dove into a ditch off the highway. The car was trashed, but luckily he was okay. Definitely a bummer of an evening.

Seen on Fark. It’s funny because it’s true.

To all those people who laugh at me for going everywhere barefoot, I refer them to the recent study from Portland, Oregon. Scientists who apparently had run out of research ideas decided to compare people who wore shoes and walked on sidewalks and streets to a group who walked barefoot on cobblestones.

John Fisher, who led the study, said this:

“Nearly all the 108 volunteers in the study said they felt better after the exercise. But only the half who walked the cobblestones showed significant improvement in balance, measures of mobility and blood pressure.”

There you have it. Although I admit I don’t often wander around cobblestone streets, clearly there’s some benefit to walking barefoot. Playing ultimate barefoot is good for bonus points.

I’m waiting breathlessly to hear how the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office decides to handle a recent (March 2005) application by some clown in Hawaii to trademark the name “Jesus Christ”. Here’s a portion of the filing information:

Serial Number: 78583223
Mark (words only): JESUS CHRIST
Standard Character claim: Yes
Current Status: Newly filed application, not yet assigned to an examining attorney.
Date of Status: 2005-03-21
Filing Date: 2005-03-09

Address:
Maria, Ronald./K
PO Box 2868 89226A Farrington Hwy
Waianae, HI 96792
United States

It looks like Ronald has big plans to sue everyone who goes to church or prints a bible. I wonder if you could sue someone for saying a prayer?

Sheesh…

“Build a man a fire and he is warm for a day.
Light a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.”

— Jason K. Larson

A Taco Bell in Pittsburgh seems to think some of its female customers should be paying more for their lunch.

Hint: see the last item on the menu.

Nothing stops the Forehand of Doom.