A couple of weeks ago I bought a pair of “dress” slacks. Actually they’re Dockers, because I just can’t get into the whole dressing-up thing, even for church. I think the last time I wore a suit was in college.

Anyway, I bought them because my current pair of slacks– Dockers in fact– is probably six or seven years old. So I’m definitely due for a new pair. I went to Kohl’s and picked up a pair in a nice neutral beige color, choosing the 32×34 size. The jeans I wear (also by Levi’s, makers of Dockers) are that size so it seemed fine. No need to try them on in the dressing room.

Unfortunately I discovered that my waist is technically 32 inches around, but the pants were super tight across the seat. From the back I looked like some kind of perv 1970’s hipster with butt-hugging pants. If I dared to bend over I’d probably split the seam right up the middle. Ugh.

So today I went back to Kohl’s to get a pair of 33×34’s, but to my chagrin I learned that apparently no one else on the planet has those measurements. There are plenty of 32xsomethings and 34xsomethings, but 33 is elusive. I settled on 34×34, feeling a little depressed because it means I must be getting fat or something.

An interesting observation: the minority of pants have an inseam measurement larger than the waist. Apparently most men are wider in the waist than they are tall in the leg. Upon reflection I shouldn’t be too surprised. After all, I’m kind of a thin lanky guy and most of my contemporaries are a little more short and stout.