Year: 2005

“The word ‘politics’ is derived from the word ‘poly’, meaning ‘many’, and the word ‘ticks’, meaning ‘blood sucking parasites’.”

— Larry Hardiman

Today I finished all of my Christmas cards. Every year, as I crank through them in assembly-line fashion, I regret that I can’t write more personalized messages in each and every one of them. But I’ve sent around 150 cards every year for the past decade or so, and I simply can’t find the time to personalize all of them. It’s too bad, because in some cases this is one of the few times all year I communicate with these long-lost friends and relatives. Hopefully the entertainment value of the letter is enough that they forgive me my laziness.

This holiday season, the Motion Picture Ass. of America wants consumers to beware of bootleg DVD’s. They want to be sure we spend our hard-earned dollars not on pirated movies, but on their high-quality wares. How else would we be forced to watch the FBI warning, a lengthy heart-wrenching anti-piracy introductory message, and various Disney previews before even getting to the dang menu?

I’d like to help them in their mission to reap greater profits. As a public service, I present this picture of a woman demonstrating two examples of what might possibly be illegal DVD’s. One of them contains the first three Harry Potter movies, as well as the fourth movie in some other language. In her other hand is the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy, along with Earthsea (??), on a single disc. Wow! What a bargain! Clearly the MPAA would never want us to get such a deal, so they must be bootlegs.

Dave Letterman’s Top Ten New Bush Strategies For Victory in Iraq:

10. Make an even larger “Mission Accomplished” sign.
9. Encourage Iraqis to settle their feud like Dave and Oprah.
8. Put that go-getter Michael Brown in charge.
7. Launch slogan: “It’s not Iraq, it’s Weraq”.
6. Just do whatever he did when he captured Osama.
5. A little more vacation time at the ranch to clear his head.
4. Pack on a quick 30 pounds and trade places with Jeb.
3. Wait, you mean it ain’t going well?
2. Boost morale by doing his hilarious “Locked Door” gag.
1. Place Saddam back in power and tell him, “It’s your problem now, dude”

This made me laugh.

“The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling.”

— Paula Poundstone

I’d like to stand up and cheer for people like Deborah Davis, a fifty-year-old mother of four who was recently arrested on a Denver public bus for refusing to show identification to a police officer. She was simply riding the bus, talking on the phone to a friend, when the officer stepped onto the bus and asked everyone aboard to present photo identification.

Knowing her rights, Ms. Davis refused. A second officer was summoned– he, too, asked to see her identification. She refused again. A federal officer was called to the scene, with the same result. She was promptly put into handcuffs, removed from the bus, and taken to the police station. There, after a bit of creative thought, the police charged her with refusing to comply with official instructions (a federal misdemeanor). She was told if she ever rides that bus again she will be arrested and put in jail.

The case is scheduled for federal court in two weeks. It should be interesting to see what happens. Technically, she has committed no crime– there was no sign stating that all bus passengers must provide identification, and there is no law stating that United States citizens must do so at the request of any law enforcement officer. In fact, demanding to see someone’s identification when no crime has been committed and no warrant issued is an illegal search. There are clear Constitutional issues here, making me wonder whether it will go to the Supreme Court eventually.

As our society becomes more indoctrinated to the official War on Terror stance that “security means freedom”, we grow increasingly complacent. We hand over our driver’s licenses without a second thought, simply because someone wearing a uniform asked for it. This is a dangerous path– one which probably has Washington, Franklin, and Jefferson turning in their graves. Hopefully more people like Ms. Davis will continue the struggle to free us from our own government.

Seen on Fark, this is a hilarious take on the Apple evangelists…

Clearly not everyone learned their lesson from the famous Hot Coffee from McDonald’s Lawsuit a few years ago, because some woman is suing Dunkin’ Donuts for– you guessed it– burning herself after she dropped hot coffee on her foot. She thinks the agony she suffered is worth a cool $15 million.

When, oh when, will people learn that stupidity and clumsiness doesn’t entitle you to money?

Clearly we need more robust warnings on all products…

Could the end be in sight?

Congressman John Murtha is taking a stand against the Bush administration’s strategy of endless rhetoric and endless occupation of Iraq by American troops. He took the House floor today and demanded that U.S. soldiers be immediately withdrawn from Iraq. What’s interesting here is that he’s not only a decorated Vietnam veteran, but he’s been known for the last thirty years as a “hawk”. He voted in favor of the Persian Gulf war, as well as the Iraq occupation.

I guess he’s had enough, like so many other Americans. Time for Bush and Cheney to stop this continued stonewalling about “until the mission is accomplished” and consider the real impact this war is having– not only on American morale, but on the troops themselves and of course on the Iraqi people.

In all likelihood, of course, this is a futile gesture and the referendum will be voted down by Congress. Even with Bush’s popularity plummeting, he still manages to carry some clout with his cronies.