11/03/2006

Rick was kind enough to bring me the latest YMCA newsletter, cleverly titled “Zing-a-Ling!”

What a bummer. I was going to use that name for the Zing newsletter I send to clients… guess it’s back to the drawing board.

11/01/2006

Remember the stunning victory for British and American anti-terrorism forces a few months ago, when they stopped a group of guys who were thinking about maybe outlining a plan to blow up some airplanes with liquids?

Well, it turns out two of those suspects were released today due to lack of evidence. That’s right– for months we’ve been subject to absolutely ridiculous security measures (I barely got through with my Carmex lip balm) because of this plot, and now we find out there really wasn’t much of a plot after all. Never mind that even if there was a plot, it wouldn’t have worked anyway, for about a hundred different reasons… including some pesky laws of physics.

If the terrorists haven’t won yet, heaven knows what it’ll take.

11/01/2006

Following a particularly boneheaded request from a client, Craig had this to say:

$head = new CraigHead();
$head->set(“fore”, true);
$head->smack();

Awesome. And geeky.

10/31/2006

Those crazy spammers are sure getting more clever. Now they’re sending e-mail messages with gigantic blue links in them:

Luckily they’re using easy-to-remember web site names, so I can return over and over to buy my “male performance” products. Why, just the other day I was thinking how I should visit okliondeyunjdefunpsade.com!

10/28/2006

No, they’re not dead.

Laralee rented a DVD called Yoga for Athletes, and she and Kyra were using it the other day. I came upstairs from my office and found them laying on the floor like this. Apparently it’s some kind of exercise. Imagine how many calories they’re burning!

10/27/2006

Alex has a friend at school whose nickname is “Cheeto”, presumably because he enjoys snacking on Cheetos. When asked about his own nickname, Alex responded that it was “Calculator”. He admitted, however, that it was a name he invented for himself, and in fact no one really calls him that.

However, the planets must have been aligned or something because we went to the kids’ school tonight for their annual Fall Festival, where the kids play games and win candy or crappy plastic toys. Two things happened.

First, we ran into Cheeto. He was– surprise!— walking around with a bag of Cheetos, getting little orange crumbs all over his shirt. He said hi to Alex and tagged along with us for a bit.

Second, and even funnier, we were walking along and one of Alex’s classmates said hi to him and mentioned to another kid standing there, “He’s really smart.” A third kid in the hall chimed in with, “Yeah, he’s like a calculator.”

I thought it was a riot. I guess Cheeto and Calculator live up to their names.

10/26/2006

Questions and selected answers from an elementary-school test:

What causes the tides in the oceans?
The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen)
The body is consisted into three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

What is the fibula?
A small lie.

What does “varicose” mean?
Nearby.

What does the word “benign” mean?
Benign is what you will be after you be eight.